Hello again :) Today I just wanted to share with you my new year resolutions and hopes. The reason I haven't just said 'resolutions' is because a lot of problems in my life at the moment can't be helped. I do believe that having goals each year is healthy, to keep you feeling optimistic about the future and about your capability to achieve your aspirations.

The year 2013 is one that, although there were many great memories, for me it has this lingering cloud of fog over it, which of course is illness. This year, I'd really like to gradually get rid of that fog, so that I can still do everything I aim to despite not being your average teenager. Here are my highlights of 2013:

- Turning 18

- Finishing my A-Levels and getting the results : English B, French C, History C

- Getting into my dream university

- Being diagnosed with Endometriosis on the womb and seeing pictures later of a healthy womb.

- Seeing Green Day live (probably one of the best days of my life)

- Starting my job to give me an ounce of independence, and the ability to buy people some special Christmas presents

- Making the most out of my pet cat's last moments, as silly as it sounds

- Starting my first novel (I'm currently on chapter 5)

So, despite that fog, I did have some good times in 2013, most of which aren't actually mentioned here. It's funny how we forget these things until we really sit down and think about them. Still, I aim to make 2014 a lot better. Here are my resolutions and hopes:

- Start my course at my dream university, which also means moving out which I can't wait for

- Finish my novel

- Spend more time maintaining my fluency in the French language, and improving on certain elements of the grammar

- If I'm diagnosed with my secondary problem and treated for it (if I'm made healthy again) to make the most of it and to keep fit by riding my bike, going for runs, going swimming etc.

- To do more fun things with my boyfriend, for example concerts, experiences etc, now that I should have the finances for it

- To read as much as possible in preparation for my degree (this I have already started)

- To eat a little healthier and drink more water

- To go on holiday with either my boyfriend or friends or both

- To blog more!

- To find more creative and different things to do at home when I'm stuck indoors and not able to do much

That's all I can think of right now but I will add more if I think of any :) Thank you for reading this, I'd love to hear your New Year resolutions/hopes if you have any :) Stay strong. <3


Louise x 

Hey everyone, 

So today I thought I'd give you a health update as, to be honest, recently things haven't been going well (hence I haven't been blogging), but now I seem to finally be getting somewhere. The laparoscopy I recently had showed that Endometriosis on my womb isn't the problem causing me so much pain and other symptoms at the moment, as the Zoladex injection (just had my 4th this morning) is temporary curing that. It is most likely Endo on my bowel, another bowel condition or something else which could affect the bowel. Therefore, my GP has referred me to a colorectal surgeon, whilst mentioning that the Gynae expert recommended it (as he did) to move me along faster. Indeed it did! 24 hours later I got a phone call saying my appointment will be at the start of February. I also went to the GP for two other reasons, one was to ask if I could have any stronger painkillers. Unfortunately I'm not allowed to have anything stronger than tramadol, as other than morphine it is the strongest painkiller you can get, and at my age I'm not allowed to have morphine on a regular basis, only when I'm admitted to hospital or having an operation. So, he has increased my dosage of Gabapentin which should help a little with the pain. 

However, the main reason I went to the GP was that on the 4th of January I found a painful lump in an area which has to be checked out (I'm sure you know what I'm talking about). He checked it out and said it's definitely a cyst, caused by the HRT I am taking. This is a huge relief as it means I don't have to get it removed unless it becomes too painful or hard. So yeah, things seem to be moving forward. Work are also helping me, as my doctor has written a note signing me off for 2 weeks and saying that I need to be moved to a more appropriate position. Hopefully this means I won't have to quit as I really do want to keep my job. Doing nothing all day whilst in pain is not my idea of fun. 

Thanks for reading, and as always, stay strong! If your GP is not helping you, go to another. There are good ones like mine who will help you as much as they can, and I'm so grateful to have seen that one yesterday. 

Louise x 

Hello everyone, as you may be aware (if you check this website regularly) I haven't exactly been the most reliable blogger. This is because I've recently been very unwell generally, which has been worsened by working etc. Due to worsening health I had a laparoscopy on Wednesday the 18th of December to investigate the cause, unfortunately this wasn't found and so I'll be referred to different surgeons asap. If you have a chronic illness you'll probably understand that this is what it's all about, going to and fro until all of the pieces come together to create a bigger picture, furthermore a diagnosis and solution to the problem is made. Hopefully the fact that I've already been diagnosed with Endometriosis on the womb will aid the doctors to find out what else is wrong. 

Over the next few days I will be working my socks off to get all of the posts I wanted to do up. :) 

Louise X 

Hey everyone, 

I must apologise for the fact that I haven't blogged for over two weeks. This is because I've been working a lot and on top of that my health has been getting increasingly worse. Since my 2nd injection of Zoladex I've had nothing but problems, and I'll be seeing my consultant tomorrow as an emergency, so will update you about that. 
I thought I'd do a post along the lines of health, as recently I've realised just how much some things help when fighting a chronic illness, however small or silly they may seem. Here's what I've been doing when I haven't been working (photo), being in bed so much has given me a lot of time to think up blog posts and to appreciate the little things that help. It's much better to do that than to cry over the losses caused by fighting a chronic illness. 

I have no idea why I was looking away, to be honest I haven't exactly been 'with it' recently. Here's my ultimate chronic illness survival kit: 

At the moment I'm drinking this magical stuff every day, especially before work. Not only does it help with energy levels (very important with constant fatigue!) but it helps to settle common stomach problems with illness, such as nausea which I get a lot. 

A lot of the time, painkillers, no matter how strong, are not enough to battle the pain caused by chronic illnesses. This is why I often use two hot water bottles, one on my stomach and one on my back, as my pain spreads to these areas the most. I recommend doing this whilst entertaining yourself with something, for example watching tv, as it will help to distract you from the pain. Sometimes, I like to hug my hot water bottle close to me to help me sleep, because as well as helping with the pain, sometimes it's just nice to cuddle something for comfort, as illnesses can make you feel pretty sensitive and down. 

Now, this is something which I only recently thought of using, as I've been stuck in bed more than before due to the pain and extreme fatigue. For most people, staying at home a lot means drinking a lot of hot drinks. When you're in pain and need to stay in bed as a result of this, going up and down the stairs can be agonising. Therefore, why not prepare a flask? I hardly ever finish my cups of tea as I usually fall asleep, so the small cup that comes with the flask is perfect! Plus, this way there's only one item to wash up later!

It's a well known fact that baths can help to relieve pain. However, there's an awful lot more you can get out of your bath by using certain products. What I mean is, your bath can be more of an advantageous experience, a treat, rather than just a necessary routine action. I think the best shop for these products is LUSH, as they have a huge variety of both products and prices, meaning there is something for everyone. They also have a lot of moisturising products, such as bath melts. I find this is especially good when you have a chronic illness, as when you experience constant fatigue, you don't always have the time or energy to moisturise every day. The amazing smells, dazzling effects and colours add to the sensory pleasure of the bath, calming your mind and let you have a moment to escape from everything going on. At the moment I particularly like this wand from LUSH, as you can use it multiple times. It turns your bath pink with bubbles, which, combined with its super sweet smell makes me feel more feminine. My femininity is something that I feel I lose a lot with this illness. For example, I only ever wear make up to try to make myself look 'healthy', furthermore to try to hide the circles under my eyes and pale, dried out skin. 

You may be looking at the title of this one and thinking 'how the hell is room decor going to help someone to fight an illness?'. Well, the logic behind this is that when you're this ill, you spend most of your time at home, either in bed or if you're lucky and feeling not so bad, sprawled out on the sofa watching tv or on the laptop, etc. Therefore, making this space as comfortable, homely and relevant to your interests as possible makes it a much nicer place to be, therefore not so bad when you're missing out on things you want to do out of the house. Here's just a few pictures of some stuff around my room, as I'm going to be posting more soon in my Christmas Home Decor post.

Now, I understand that this looks even more ridiculous, as of course, rest is paramount with a chronic illness. However, it is very important to try to exercise as much as you can, and most importantly, to not let the illness walk over your life completely. Trust me, I know this is a lot harder than it sounds, I'm in agony every single day. However, given the right job with supportive colleagues, not too much strenuous activity, and enjoyable tasks, a job can help an awful lot with providing you both with a sense of achievement, distraction from the pain and a break from being ill in a sense. Of course, being paid is also a big bonus! This also means you can afford to buy your own prescriptions, give people money, get people Christmas and Birthday presents, and generally feel less like you're relying on other people, which adds to the sense of achievement. I would recommend a job that's 12 hours a week, as when you're not feeling so bad you can do overtime, and 12 hours gives you a lot of time to rest. I know this as my current job is 12 hours, which suits me perfectly. Even when I'm in constant agony this is still achievable and very rewarding, despite the increase in pain when I get home and the day after. 

This is another activity which can distract you from the pains of your illness and give you a great sense of achievement. The best hobbies I find are those that are creative, as you can really get stuck into them. As you may know, I make soaps when I can afford to buy the ingredients, which unfortunately I can't this month. I find it very enjoyable to be able to create such useful products at home, and to share them with my family and friends. It's a hobby that I know I'll be doing for a long time, trying out different techniques and combinations. Take this time at home as a reason to do things that usually you wouldn't, so that instead of looking back at this dark time and seeing only negatives, you can to say to yourself: 'well, although it was difficult, at least I achieved this, and I managed to this, etc, etc'. 

Animals are amazing company when you're ill. When we had a cat, she would always know when I wasn't feeling well, and would come straight to me giving me affection. When you're constantly stuck at home, having a pet to keep you company can be very comforting, as you can easily get down and fed up about being stuck at home on your own. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, you'll know that no matter how many times they come over to see and look after you, it never seems like enough. 

This is why my boyfriend has invested in buying me an African Pygmy Hedgehog! He will be picking it up this Saturday, and will be looking after her for me until I get home from work. I've bought some supplies for her and I cannot wait to meet her. I've wanted a hedgehog for a long time now and when I saw this one online I simply fell in love (in a motherly way, not a weird way!). I will be posting about her soon, and she will have her very own page on this website. :) 


That's it for today, I hope you enjoyed this post and found it helpful. If you're not a chronic illness sufferer, I hope it gave you a bit more of an insight :D 

L x

Hello everyone! Here's a review of The Help which I read this summer. I've been meaning to do this for a long time! 

I have to say, this is one of the best books I've ever read. It's so skillfully written that the storyline kept me on my toes right to the last page! It's a dazzling read which I know I'll delve back into time and time again. Just when you think you know what will happen at the end, everything changes, which highlights how quickly a life of the help in this story can change, due to the boundaries they face which are highlighted by this incredibly uplifting story. Here's a very brief synopsis:

Let me introduce you to Skeeter Phelan, one of the main characters of the story. Her mother wishes she'd dress fancy to attract a rich man, but all Skeeter's into is writing. The main plot of the story is Skeeter 's quest to document the day-to-day lives of 'the help. This story is Skeeter's chance to get her writing published,  but the writing isn't the challenge here. This story is set in 1940s Jackson, Mississipi. This means Skeeter was betraying everyone in her social circle, as well as risking being caught by the police on several occasions to meet with the help. Of course, through this plot we ourselves get to read about each individual person's experience, which are incredibly moving. These stories are also diverse, and through them we learn about the people in Skeeter's social circle, whom the help serve, and who are also very different from each other. For example, whilst Celia is timid and relies on Minny for not only household chores but emotional support, Elizabeth is harsh and is even indifferent towards her own child, who is brought up by Aibileen.

I was most impressed with the form used by Stockett, which perfectly suits the story she is telling. She has honoured all of the unique characters by giving each of them a voice. For example, in one chapter Skeeter will speak, in another Aibileen will and so on. This allows them to win our hearts which indeed they do! I became attached to the characters Minny, Skeeter, Aibileen and Celia. I feel that by using this technique Stockett has allowed their perspectives to feel very exclusive to the reader, something which can't be emulated by a film. In addition to this, the satire used by Stockett and projected by Minny makes the story not only humorous but edgy and real. This is because it made clear throughout the story the dangers of both Skeeter and Aibileen's apirational goal. Furthermore, from the very first few pages Stockett makes the reader feel familiar with the settings and characters introduced through her brilliant use of the first person narrative. I felt instantly involved with Aibileen's life from the first page, and obliged to read more and more about it.

I would like to criticise the review by the Daily Telegraph that the book 'draws you completely into a world of okra and fried chicken and peach cobbler'. This review suggests that the book is solely about African American culture. In actual fact, the story highlights that the only difference between white and black people is their colour, for example the help raise white children, which is demonstrated brilliantly by Aibileen's relationship Mae Mobley (Elizabeth's baby) and Skeeter's relationship with Constantine. Thus, this review is totally ignorant of the story's message and stereotypical.

I would give such a remarkable story a rating of 10/10, as I myself cannot fault it.


I apologise for the lack of posts this month, however next month there's a lot in store including more soap and LouCesca's first video! 

Louise x

Hey everyone, today I thought I'd share with you my facial skin routine, as I've always had very spot-prone, sensitive and oily skin - which as you can imagine is a huge pain! I only use two products to keep my skin as spot-free as possible and smooth without reacting and becoming sore! When I started Goserelin and saw that one of the side effects is acne I also panicked, as I'd noticed my spots had started coming back. However, all I did was go back to this routine (for some reason I had stopped) and my skin is better than ever! 

Every morning I use this product by Clean and Clear. I'm one of those people who has tried all other products such as Freederm, Clearasil etc in the past and they've seriously irritated my skin. This wash, however is different. I have not reacted to it once and it's very effective for keeping spots and oily skin at bay, which is why it's also very good for treating blackheads which I'm also prone to . Simply apply a tiny pea sized amount to your hand and wash your face with it as you would with regular soap. As you only need a tiny amount it lasts for a long time, and it also leaves you feeling very refreshed which is always helpful in the mornings!

The next product I use every day is this moisturiser from Boots. It probably doesn't have to be this one, just try to find a moisturiser that is very simple for sensitive skin that doesn't contain too many harsh chemicals, as these will only irritate your skin. I find that when I use this moisturiser every night I don't have any problems with dry skin, which can often be caused by spot-fighting products. Therefore, these two products when used together provide the perfect balance This also lasts a very long time as you only need to use a small amount with each application. I also use this before applying any make-up, as this can also dry out your skin. 

So there you go, if like me you have the worst skin type ever that needs spot-fighting products but is very sensitive, give these products a try! 

Louise x

Hello everyone! 

As you know, I like to share my experiences with different methods of pain relief etc to help others in the chronic illness boat. I'm on week three of my first dose of Goserelin (otherwise known as Zoladex), and so far things are going well. This combined with 300mg of Gabapentin every day means I'm 
pain free most of the time and have even started a part time job which requires you to be on your feet a lot, in fact I've even asked for overtime! My body has completely stopped producing oestrogen now, so the Endometriosis will basically starve and won't be able to cause me any trouble for the next 5 months. I'm taking HRT daily to counteract the side effects of this, which have been as follows:
Strong headaches
Depression (wanting to cry for no reason) 
Mood swings (my boyfriend has had a bad time with this yet again)
Fatigue 

Other than that, there haven't been any other major side effects as a result of this injection so far. 

There is, however, one type of pain which the injection hasn't tackled yet, which is everything related to my nerves. Although the Endometriosis pain has gone, without taking Gabapentin I'd still suffer with severe chest and nerve pain (all over my body). It can range from a very sharp to a burning pain which has overridden morphine and gas and air before! I actually tried coming off of Gabapentin with the doctor's help around a week and a half ago, as we thought I'd be alright but nope just missing one dose left me in unbearable pain. I really hope that after the second injection, which is in 6 days, the nerve pains will also begin to fade as this will mean that the doctors only have to deal with the Endometriosis. A week and a half after the 2nd injection I will try coming off of Gabapentin again in order to see whether it makes a difference, as the 2nd dose of Goserelin is supposed to completely get rid of any Endometriosis-related pain. 

For now I'm going to keep my hopes up and enjoy leading a pain free life and working for the next couple of months. This is as smooth as it's going to get on this roller coaster journey! 

L x 

In Judaism, candles are placed on memorials as they are symbolic of the soul that has departed its loved ones. They also do this to highlight God's presence. Thus, in respect of this, I've lit some candles tonight in memory of those lost, as I write this blog post about the terrible suffering they endured. 

CAUTION: If you're easily upset/distressed by images/details of suffering, I'd advise you to not read this blog post. 

So, first I'll start with my review of Jodi Picoult's 'The Storyteller'. Surprisingly, this is the first book I've read by Jodi Picoult. I can certainly say after crying more than I ever could have imagined over such an expertly crafted story, I'll definitely be buying a shelf full of her other novels. I'm still crying over the story now! Her techniques of evocation are absolutely spectacular, making me become so attached to the characters that I couldn't simply put the book down and forget about them for one minute. 

Here's the synopsis without giving too much away:
In the story are the main characters Sage Singer, Sage's grandmother Minka who is an Auschwitz survivor, Josef Weber, an ex Nazi officer under a false name, his brother, also a Nazi officer (won't say the name as it'll spoil the story)  and Leo, a Department of Justice Nazi hunter. Sage, who's mother died three years ago is an insecure and lonely young baker. She's insecure due to the scar that runs down her face from a car accident, and uses this to push people away. She's so adamant to be on her own that she works night shifts in the bakery and doesn't commit to romantic relationships as she feels she's not good for anyone, instead she favours those who are not committed to her, vice versa. One day, in the bakery, she meets Josef Weber, who asks Sage to forgive him and to kill him for his sins when he was a Nazi, as he feels he deserves to die, and cannot bear the curse of guilt that has weighed down his shoulders for the past 70 years. Can she forgive someone who could have abused her grandmother and made her life hell all those years ago? Does being forgiven by one quarter-Jewish young girl count for all of those killed? 

There is so much more to this story, but you'll have to read to find out. When I first read Jodi Picoult's blurb I thought, well that doesn't tell me a lot. However, now I realise why she's done that. You really have to read to see all of the twists and turns, to detail them in the blurb would kill the story. These twists and turns in the story make us repeatedly question our own judgement on morality. Another thing that the story portrays is that we're all capable of being monsters given the right circumstances, but some of us will still choose to reason with our heart over our head, making us 'less' of a monster, but does that make our other actions forgivable? 

Another area Picoult explores is how the Holocaust not only affected those there at the time, but how it affects us today. In this sense, the title 'The Storyteller' really sums up what the book is all about. Not the story itself, but how it's told, and how it creates the void between our lives and the story. This is shown very well not only through the story Sage's grandmother tells of the Holocaust, but also when she shows her the scar from her radical mastectomy, as she highlights how much of her body is left rather than focusing on loss. When Sage remembers this, along with what her grandmother endured in Auschwitz, she realises that she should be confident and enjoy her freedom of identity, to not dwell on the past and to be seen as a person, rather than a number as her grandmother once was. We often take advantage of the freedom we have, as of course, it is a right. However, when you hear of stories like this you realise that in other people's eyes, even today, what you have is really a privilege that shouldn't be wasted or ignored. 

One thing that makes reading stories about the Holocaust (ones I've read include both The Storyteller and Schindler's List) makes your perception much more different, and somewhat personal. Even though I could never begin to understand the suffering endured by these prisoners, I've seen and touched the torture devices, the cart that took them to, effectively, their deaths. I've seen personal items such as clothing that belonged to them, stood in the gas chambers. In hindsight, it's been made so much more real to me than ever before by visiting such a horrible, momentous place. I must admit though, when you're there, it seems surreal as you can't imagine people actually being this wicked or cruel, or people getting away with this ludicrous abuse of humanity. Here are some pictures of what I saw at Auschwitz, with some commentary: 

A Nazi helmet. 

I thought this was rather poignant, a colourful rose in memory of those lost, in the middle of such a dismal place. 

One of the freights that transported prisoners to the camp. 

Candles, flowers and stones left in memory of those lost.

Documents of some of the prisoners taken to the camp.

This picture breaks my heart. I'm sure some of them have smiles on their faces, their belongings with them, a future in mind. 

Gas canisters. 

Where prisoners had to sleep, ridiculous amounts of them crammed into one bunk, barely able to move. 

Believe it or not, the remains of the camp still there today are merely a fraction of what existed beforehand. 

A Gas Chamber. We also went inside.

The 'extermination' block. It wasn't labelled at the time, this is merely for  tourists. 

The selection process.

'Toilets'. The best job for a prisoner here was cleaning the toilets, as Nazis would not go near them to avoid 'disease', and it meant you had both access to the toilets and warmth. Prisoners had just 15 seconds to go to the toilet, twice a day and would be punished for overrunning this time. 

This is an area where people were often shot for 'crimes'. We were told the youngest was just 9 years old.

One of the two biggest gas chambers, in ruins as the Nazis tried to destroy it when the war was over to hide all evidence. Fortunately, they weren't quick enough. 

One of the Nazis' blueprints for the camp. The pile on the far left (2nd room on the bottom) is a pile of bodies. 

A furnace room of one of the crematoriums. 

Thank you for reading this post, let us never forget but always learn from these tragedies of humanity. 


Louise x 

Hello, recently I've made some more soap, experimenting with a new flavour this time, and a new decorative technique. Before this,  I made some clear, pink lavender soap in various shapes as part of a birthday present for my friend. Then I was free to go wild! I ended up making 500g of clear-ish apple and cinnamon bars of soap. For this I used green soap colouring, apple essential oil and real cinnamon. It's a nice dark, olive-like green which glows when in the right light. I also added cosmetic glitter, by lining the mould I used for the soap with it. On top of this, I grated previously made soap as a confetti-like decoration, and added this to the bottom of the mould before pouring in the soap. However, this doesn't show up so much due to the darker colour of the soap. Nevertheless, it worked how it should have and I will definitely be using it for future soaps! 

I also bottled 100ml of the lavender and honey bubble bath I made recently, as another birthday present for my friend. Here you can see how I plan on decorating the bottles- minus the label unfortunately, but that will be here by the time I'm selling them! I created a very 'makeshift' label for my friend, so that she knows the scent of the bubble bath! 

I think I'm coming out of the 'trial and error' stage of soap making now, and that next time they'll be just how I want them! This is great as I'm starting work this weekend (yay!) which means I will be able to afford more soap ingredients, and get ready for selling them in the hopefully near future! 

Here are some of the lavender ones, I've decided to call these particular soaps 'Lavender Sweethearts' as, let's face it, they're pretty sweet! I'm particularly proud of the star as I managed to layer three colours of soap without any rubbing alcohol! (Pink, green and clear) There are also hearts which have been wrapped up as part of my friend's birthday, along with another flower and spiky circles. Next time I'm going to really work on reducing the amount of air bubbles created while making the soap to produce a better overall effect. 

Now for the apple and cinnamon, here are some pictures of some of the soap in and out of the light: 

Now for the bubble bath, here's how the bottles will be decorated ready for their labels: 

Thanks for reading, next month there are a lot more soapy treats in the way, including the making of Christmas soap bundles! 

In the next week posts will include health and my trip to Auschwitz early this year, which will also link to some worthy literature for you to check out! 

Louise x 

Hey, so I thought I'd update you all a week on from starting my new treatment, which the doctor had described as a 'temporary cure'. It's already made a huge difference, as I don't find myself restricted by pain at all. Every day the pain lessens, in fact right now it's hardly there. Today I even managed to move heavy furniture without struggling! 

So there you go, all of the pain I had was still the Endometriosis, which Goserelin is evidently an amazing treatment for :) I also haven't had any serious side effects from the medication yet, just headaches every evening, a bit of a rash and a bit more sweating than usual (which is nothing compared to what I'm used to!) 

I can't wait to start work next week, as I now feel confident that I will be able to give my best performance. There's no way I would have managed before and I'm so lucky that the company have given me this second chance. Celebrating 3 years together with my partner this weekend with both him and friends will also be great without the worry of it all. 

I hope that when I see the consultant again in 3 months time, the final solution for treating this problem will also go well. 

Louise x